exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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