i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
