at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
