he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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