I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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