you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
