I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize