I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
