It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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