He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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