His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize