When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize