its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
