Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
