You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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