i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The best revenge is premature balding
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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