sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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