I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
