We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
