Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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