why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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