I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
