we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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