so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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