So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
