Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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