Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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