That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
