We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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