Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
