he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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