Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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