Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
