I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
