This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
