just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
