i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
