U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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