obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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