i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
