I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
