I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
