could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
last night I used snow as a chaser
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
