I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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