Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
