I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
