im drinking this country out of the recession.
so let's talk penis.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Houston, we have a blender
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
