This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize