I'm so fucking centered right now
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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