I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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