I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
