My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Randomize
