Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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