Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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