I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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