OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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