I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
