that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
