I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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