cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize