That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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