the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
