This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
