dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
