I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
