Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
