i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
