is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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