Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize