she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
