All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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