chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Who died my cat blue again?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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