The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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